Every Day
by WhimsicalWriter4
Summary: S4E13: They made it. They made it to space and didn't suffocate. But Clarke was left behind, and Bellamy has a hard time accepting the decision he had to make. On earth, Clarke calls the Ark every day, directing her calls to Bellamy. What if those calls made it through?
1. Chapter 1

_Hey all! This was my attempt to feel a little better after the season finale. I was surprised that I liked it from a storyteller's perspective, but not from the perspective of a viewer. As a viewer, I felt a little broken. This is my response to that brokenness._

 _Reviews always appreciated. It's always motivating to know that people are enjoying the story and actually want to read it. Plus you guys are really great at giving ideas :)_

 _Enjoy!_

* * *

Bellamy had spent the night fiddling with the radio. He didn't know anything about them, and he was dog-tired, but he couldn't bring himself to go to sleep. Every time his eyelids fluttered shut he saw their faces. Octavia. Clarke.

Octavia was in the Bunker. He knew she was safe.

Clarke was…he had no idea where she was, but he couldn't let himself think she was dead. She had nightblood. Besides, if he let himself think she was dead, he'd just killed someone far more important to him than he was willing to admit. And for all his bravado, Bellamy would _never_ cause the death of Clarke Griffin. Even when she'd left his sister out to die, he'd promised her mother he wouldn't let anything happen to Clarke.

She'd been in tough shape as they readied the rocket. "Cold sweat," he muttered. "An oxymoron." His voice sounded strange in the nearly-empty metal room.

Everyone else would be in bed by now. They had planted the algae (they were living on _algae_ for five years?!) and staggered off to find sleeping quarters.

Bellamy and Raven had stood on the dock, watching the world burn, Bellamy's core so uncomfortable and tight that he'd known Clarke was more than his head.

He'd tried to tell her on the beach. The world decided to make him wait.

He'd tried to tell her that night she'd pulled a gun on him, when they'd found themselves alone in the med bay. The world had made them too tired.

She'd tried to tell him in the lab. Sparks, the wrong ones, had flown, the world still against them.

"We _will_ meet again," he croaked, sagging into the chair behind him, too tired to remain standing.

Then the radio crackled. Bellamy was on his feet so fast he almost toppled over.

"Bellamy, are you there?" Clarke's voice, raspy and muffled.

"Clarke!" he shouted past the tears.

"Bellamy? If you're listening…"

He shook the radio and tried again. "Clarke!"

"…sick, but the boils are going away." She coughed, and it hurt just to listen to how it must have torn at her lungs and throat. "Nightblood works."

Bellamy let out a strangled sob, lunged for the door, then stopped. He needed Raven to fix the radio, but he couldn't leave.

"I saw the ship," Clarke continued.

Bellamy pressed a shaky fist to his mouth, but that didn't stop the tears that ran down his cheeks. "Clarke," he gulped. "I'm sorry."

"Thank you for leaving."

But Bellamy hated that she said that, wanted there to have been another way.

"It was the right choice. The only choice."

"An oxymoron," he whispered with her. "Damn it. Raven!"

"I'm glad you made it, and didn't wait for me," Clarke kept going.

"RAVEN!"

"But I'm sorry I'm not there. I was looking forward to being in space with you and the others. Away from all the people we had to protect, all the decisions we had to make. I thought—" she coughed wetly again, "I thought we could finally just be us. I thought you and I could finally find peace after all we've had to do."

He was never going to find peace with her down there. "RA- ** _VEN_**!"

"I'm going to live, Bellamy," Clarke said. "I'm going to be here in five years when you come back."

Raven hurled herself around the corner, and Bellamy realized he must look like a slobbering idiot madman. "What?" she demanded, frantically glancing around the room for the threat that could possibly have Bellamy Blake so desperate for help.

Bellamy pointed to the radio. "Clarke…fix it," he rasped.

Raven stared at him.

"Do you remember the beach, Bell?"

Raven jumped. "That's Clarke," she gasped.

"Fix it," Bellamy begged, not even concerned about what Raven might be about to hear Clarke say. "I need to talk to her. _Fix it_."

"You started to tell me something, but I didn't want to consider the possibility of not seeing you again."

Raven's fiddling cut off the signal for a moment. Bellamy's heart raced.

"…and then the sparks exploded, and I didn't get to tell you."

"Tell me," Bellamy whispered.

Raven mercifully stopped messing with the radio, standing there silently and staring at it instead of Bellamy.

"And now I realize how cruel it was to interrupt you on the beach, and I'm sorry."

"Tell me."

"We…everything…it was too hard to do alone."

"You didn't, Clarke," Bellamy breathed. "I wouldn't have let you."

"But we had each other and now I don't know how to do this, but I will because I need to see you again. Goodbye, Bellamy."

He couldn't even shout, was too weak and too tired for that. Bellamy sank to the floor, his head hitting the wall. "No."

Raven sat next to him and held him and whispered, "She's alive" while he sobbed.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey all! Thank you for the very kind reviews. They are super encouraging (and give me a better understanding of what you readers want more or less of), and I've got the next chapter written already! Please keep them coming :)

I decided to change Clarke's radio calls to italics in an attempt to make it clear who is saying what. Enjoy!

* * *

Raven and Bellamy had fallen asleep trying to fix the radio the next day. They'd explained to the others, who were happy to just know Clarke was alive.

Bellamy was happy too, he really was, but he couldn't settle for that, not when he'd heard her voice.

He couldn't really do anything useful as far as fixing the radio went. Bellamy knew next to nothing about anything mechanical, and getting the oxygen going had been all Monty. Usually, he could leave Raven to do her thing, but this time he couldn't leave.

They estimated it to be about four in the morning when the radio crackled again.

Bellamy's cold hands were wrapped around a mug of something warm Harper had brought him. Monty was still messing with the heater. Raven's head was bobbing, but she was fighting hard.

" _Bellamy._ "

"Clarke." He was up right away, almost splashing the hot drink on himself. Even if he had, Bellamy probably wouldn't have noticed the burns.

" _This is day two on the ground without you. I'm not vomiting blood…good. How do you guys track time up there? Down here…drags and I'm sick and I miss you._ "

Raven snarled at the radio, her slim fingers working furiously.

Bellamy just stared.

" _Tell Raven and the others hi, and I miss them too. I suppose…hearing this too, so I should really talk to everyone…seems right for it to be you. Nobody…to tell me any differently, so I'll do what I want._ "

Bellamy managed a weak smile.

"That's Clarke alright," Raven grumbled. "We love you too, Clarke!" she shouted pointlessly. "He's not the only one up here who cares about you, though I don't think anyone feels quite the way he does. That's _fine_ ," she grunted as she pulled a panel from the desk, "because we really don't need that kind of conflict in such a small space." Raven rolled her eyes at Bellamy. "Don't even think about giving me crap about how you worked together because you had to and that was it."

Bellamy's mouth opened and shut like a fish, but he said nothing. "Fix the radio," he requested at last.

Raven didn't bother to tell him _that's what she was doing_ because it was pretty obvious.

" _I wonder how much was left on the Ark as far as furnishing,_ " Clarke mused.

"Not much," Bellamy answered even though she couldn't hear him.

Raven cast him a sympathetic glance but didn't comment.

" _Priamfaya is still raging outside. It's like a…giant fire storm con…everything. What does it look like from space?_ "

"Beautiful and dangerous," Raven whispered while Bellamy said, "Clouds of blood consuming the earth."

"Poetic," Raven remarked. "'Consuming.' Good word."

"Her word," Bellamy said dismissively.

Raven frowned, then realized he'd filled in the static blanks of Clarke's words. He was probably spot on, she had to admit when she put the word into the garbled sentence.

" _I haven't heard from the Bunker, so either…radio or mine is broken. Wouldn't it…ny if it was mine? Talking…no one._ "

"Keep talking."


	3. Chapter 3

Hey guys! Your reviews have been lovely and very encouraging. Thank you all for your kind words.

I know this isn't a very long addition, but I already posted a chapter today and I had this and just wanted to share it instead of hanging on to it. Enjoy!

* * *

It went on for days like that. Clarke called around four in the morning, Raven and Bellamy rushed to fix the radio.

Raven finally fixed the issue causing static and the radio cutting in and out, but that was all she could do. She said something about it not connecting properly with the tower.

It took Bellamy a week to accept that.

" _Bellamy, it's day four._ " " _Bellamy, this is day six since the ship took off._ " " _Bellamy, this is day seven alone on the ground._ "

Everyone fell into a routine of bathing, working, eating meals together, and late night chats in a room a little cozier than the rest. Even Echo and Emori became part of their little family. Nights were talking about what they had done, playing silly games, and sometimes sitting quietly, no need to speak at all. There was only one rule they had decided upon: no business after dinner. Everything that needed to be dealt with could be dealt with before then. Sometimes that meant a very late dinner, but it also meant rest and peace of mind.

Bellamy's routine started at four every morning.


	4. Chapter 4

Hey all! I can't tell you how much the reviews mean to me. It's very encouraging to hear people are with me on wanting something like this to happen, and that I have readers who are excited to read every time I post a new chapter.

I know the chapters are short, but better that than updates that aren't as often, right? Enjoy!

* * *

" _Bellamy, this is day twenty seven after the rocket left. It's been almost a month. Can you believe it?_ "

"No."

" _It's funny, I've been away from my friends for longer, but I feel so alone._ "

"Me too."

" _Maybe it's because before you were always there go to back to._

 _"_ _I'm running out of food in the lab, but I don't want to go out until I have to. If I get sick again I won't be able to search for food. I wonder what food will be left._ "

They were running low on food too.

" _I've been exploring the lab. It's fancier than even Wells' place on the Ark. I found a pool yesterday and taught myself to swim._ "

"You could have drowned."

Clarke laughed. " _And now you're upset with me because there's no one else here to make sure I don't drown, and nightblood doesn't protect from that. Don't worry, Bell. I was fine. Please don't frown like that, I worry that you'll get wrinkles._ "

Bellamy snorted.

" _I'm off to face the day now. Goodbye, Bellamy._ "

"Bye, Clarke."

No one ever intruded on those mornings. They all knew he was there, listening to the radio, but they also knew the messages were addressed to Bellamy.

Some mornings he would tell them about Clarke's adventures at breakfast, some days he held out until dinner, and other days he would stay silent.

No one took the one thing he had left.


	5. Chapter 5

I know this sounds repetitive, but thank you again for all your reviews. They really do make the writing go easier when I hit rough spots, because I know someone is waiting for the next chapter and someone is enjoying this.

* * *

" _Bellamy, this is day forty seven since you made the right choice and left. I went hunting today and saw a two-headed jaguar. It reminded me of the deer in our Dropship days. He was a magnificent creature, the jaguar, not the deer. The deer was graceful and sad. But the jaguar's fur and meat are too valuable with winter coming soon. I put the knife to his jugular and whispered 'Yu gonplei ste odon.' 'Your fight is over', since you never really learned the language._

 _"_ _It was a shame, but he passed quickly. I try not to use the gun. I don't know how to make more bullets, and I haven't found my way to any of our stashes yet._

 _"_ _Firing the gun would shatter the peace, Bellamy. The world is eerily still. There are creatures alive and birds singing, and the plants are starting to come back, but there's a stillness we didn't have before. It leaves me time to think._

 _"_ _It's not safe yet, don't come down. Even the things that are living aren't quite right, and there are still storms. It makes me feel strangely at home._ "

He's not at home. He feels useless and trapped by metal on all sides. But some mornings he just listens.

 _"_ _Goodbye, Bellamy."_

The girls decided they needed time to themselves once a week. The guys had scoffed at that until they walked in on the girls wearing only their underclothes, painting their toes with who knew what, giggling like they were high on Jobi nuts.

After that the guys hid themselves as far away as possible and played card games involving ridiculous wagers like "you can have the first bite of deer" or "swear to eat Jobi nuts and let the others interrogate you." Then there were the dares. Bellamy found himself stuck with the crab walk as his only method of transportation for a whole day. Monty had to talk in the third person. Of course, they _never_ explained their strange antics to the girls.


	6. Chapter 6

" _Bellamy, it's day one hundred thirty four. That's one hundred thirty four, with no 'and' since 'and' stands for a decimal point and that wouldn't be the right number. I suppose you knew that though. Or did you? You always struck me as more of a humanities expert, social and history and literature. How were you in math?_

 _"_ _I've been doing a lot of thinking, especially about all the things we had to do, those moments when we thought it was the only choice._ "

"Oxymoron," Bellamy mumbled into his coffee. Good old Echo, figuring out how to make coffee. It was gross, but he liked it for some reason.

" _I can't think about whether we were right,"_ Clarke continued, her cute scratchy voice surprisingly light in tone. He'd noticed that, Clarke's tone was lighter now than it had been before. " _I can't do that to myself, and you shouldn't either."_

She knew him too well.

" _But we did things that changed us, Bellamy. We aren't who we were even when the Dropship landed. You wanted to cut all ties except your sister and I, well I just wanted my mom to save me._

 _"_ _Sometimes I wonder if we were forced to grow up too quickly."_

"You were."

 _"_ _I mean, I know you're older than me, but you knew what I'm trying to say. We didn't really get a choice, we just changed._

 _"_ _I suppose we chose to help and care. And then that guided everything else._

 _"_ _My point being, did you ever think that by going up into space you could start over? I thought so. I thought it would all be burned."_

"It doesn't go away, Clarke."

" _It did burn. But it didn't get rid of the scars it made on me. I think, Bell, that we can start new, but we can't change who we are now. We can only go forward._

 _"_ _Goodbye, Bellamy."_


	7. Chapter 7

A little consolation, I managed three separate chapters today for all of you. Your kind words are very motivating :)

Also, working on something a bit longer and showing the interactions between those on the Ark a little more. Sure, it's nice to see Bellamy and Clarke, and I like throwing in the few little things about what's happening on the Ark, but it's high time we saw them actually talking to one another and dealing with a problem. With any luck, I'll incapacitate our lovely pining leader to really mess with the dynamics.

For now, enjoy the three chapters I posted today.

* * *

" _Bellamy, it's day five hundred two. Nothing interesting has happened recently. I cut my hair to my shoulders, put a red streak in it like in my Wanheda days. I suppose you never saw that. I think it all washed out by the time you caught up with Roan and I."_

He hadn't seen it, but he could imagine it made her look free from any clan, any ties to any petty norms set by Skaikru or Trikru or anyone else. She'd always been that way, no harm in looking it.

" _It's funny, discussing appearances with a guy. I doubt you really care, but it's the most interesting thing that happened to me since we last spoke, since_ I _last spoke, so this is what you're going to hear about. I think you'd like the hair cut. It feels nice, free, like I'm my own and no one else's._

 _"_ _And I am. I spend my days going wherever I please, no one needing me, nothing I need to do."_

"I need you."

 _"_ _Of course I call you, but I do that because_ I _have to, not because someone else needs me to. I suppose you might, if you're hearing this. Are you? Am I talking to nothing?"_

"You're talking to me, Princess."

" _I suppose even if you're dead, I could still talk to you,_ would _still talk to you."_

"I'm alive. I hear you."

" _I think I would know if you were dead. Something inside me would be dead too._

 _"_ _Goodbye, Bellamy."_


	8. Chapter 8

Hey all! I've really been loving the format of omniscient narrator filling in info about the kids on the Ark while Clarke talks out her own adventures (and Bellamy sometimes responds) (and from the reviews sounds like you are too!), but I decided to explore a little what's going on on the Ark. What kind of interactions/relationships/team has developed? Obviously we're not very far into the 6 years, so not too much has changed, but I wanted to hear their voices and see them deal with one another. Thus, a little saga is born where Bellamy (the defacto leader) is a little too occupied to be the leader he is, thus introducing interesting dynamics.

Enjoy! And let me know what you think please :) It helps me know what to keep doing or change.

* * *

Bellamy collapsed soon after breakfast. When Murphy found him an hour later, their leader was drenched in sweat, covered in his own vomit, lying unconscious on the cool metal floor. Murphy raised the alarm ("Hey! Something happened to Bellamy!"), and Bellamy was hauled off to medical.

Unfortunately, no one really knew how to be useful in medical, and even though Raven was able to get the machines started no one had enough medical knowledge to make use of anything.

Bellamy twitched in his fevered sleep, his breathing labored, and Harper was summoned with urgency.

Of course no one could tell her what happened, and a thorough examination revealed only that there had been no foul play ("I _told_ you I didn't go after him," Murphy had grumbled, "we're past that."). Poor Harper had only assisted Clarke a few times, and she stared at Bellamy unmoving.

"Harper, do something," Monty hissed.

"I don't know what to do," Harper replied. "Clarke did everything. I don't even know what's wrong with him."

"Food poisoning?" Murphy suggested helpfully.

"The food was fine," Echo snarled, having been the morning's cook. "Plus he barely ate today. I thought maybe this morning's message wasn't exactly cheerful."

Murphy put up his hands. "Hey, just trying to be helpful."

"Clarke would know just by looking at him," Monty mourned.

"Clarke would know from the other room," Raven corrected. "That's how freaking connected they were."

" _Are_ ," Emori said. "Four in the morning is serious devotion."

"Guys, none of that is helping." Harper's voice shook.

"Tell me what you know, Harper," Monty coaxed.

"The rest of you get out," Raven ordered. "You're not helping, and Bellamy wouldn't want you here anyway."

So everyone shuffled out, leaving Raven glowering in the corner while Monty tried to get Harper to remember something useful.

About the time Bellamy started muttering deliriously, Harper decided they should try to drop the fever by cooling him down. That's what they did, and soon after Bellamy regained consciousness only to start vomiting blood.

"Bellamy, what happened?" Harper asked.

"Don't know," he ground out.

"Ok, tell me how you feel."

"Sick."

Raven rolled her eyes. "Good, now we'll be able to diagnose you. That's so helpful."

Bellamy glared at her, holding his side tightly and leaning over as more blood was forcefully expelled from his mouth. He gagged. Monty pounded him on the back, and Bellamy groaned.

The door burst open, and Murphy walked in carrying a book. Given less dire circumstances, Raven would have commented on the odd pairing.

"Fever, vomiting blood, weakness," Murphy read from the open page, "pain in the lower abdomen?" The question was directed at Bellamy.

Their helpless leader nodded before sputtering as more blood came up.

"Since when?"

"Murphy, what're you doing?" Harper asked.

"Since when?" Murphy repeated, ignoring Harper's question.

"Three days."

"Did it move from left to right? The pain, Bellamy. Did it move?"

"Yes."

Murphy dropped the book on the table. "You need to operate on him right now."

"Murphy, what are you talking about?" Raven asked.

"I went looking for something useful and found this medical book," Murphy explained hurriedly. "The notes in the margins, clearly someone used it. It lets you search by symptoms, like a chose your own adventure book."

"You read those too?" Harper looked up from the book.

"Hey, I was a kid once too," Murphy defended.

"Murphy," Raven prompted.

"Right. So I chose Bellamy's medical adventure, and as long as he didn't eat anything toxic—"

"He has appendicitis?" Monty said, reading the title of the page.

Bellamy groaned and flopped back on the cot. "Clarke was worried about that."

"What?" Monty asked.

"Clarke. People with two of the symptoms, blood or fever, or pain, she worried it would be all three."

"So this is a real thing," Raven realized.

Bellamy nodded shortly. "You die."

"If you don't remove the appendix before it explodes," Murphy added helpfully.

"Do you need it? I mean, isn't it an organ?" Monty wondered.

"Not…really," Harper answered as she read further. "I mean, it is an organ, but I don't think you need it."

"Ok, if we're going to cut a person open and take out an organ, can we know for sure that's what needs to be done?" Raven interrupted.

"There's a test," Murphy confirmed. "Something about recoil and pressure. Harper?"

Harper took a deep breath and approached the cot. "Bellamy, I'm going to lift up your shirt and press right," she glanced back at the diagram in the book, "there. Move your hands."

"This's gon' suck, isn' it?" Bellamy slurred.

"Pretty much," Murphy confirmed cheerfully. "Hang tight, Blake."

Harper pressed down, and when she released the spot on Bellamy's abdomen he cried out and curled up, a crying gasping mess.

"Just like the book," Monty said grimly. No one bothered to point out that the book had no way of conveying sound.

Emori and Echo entered, looking annoyed that they'd been left out. Echo raised an eyebrow, questioning the solemn looks everyone had.

"Bellamy has appendicitis," Raven revealed. "We need to operate and remove the organ before it's too late."

"Here? With no doctor?" Emori marveled.

"He'll die if we don't," Harper revealed.

"Still might," Murphy said grimly.

"None of us know how," Monty realized.

"Show me where, and I will cut," Echo offered.

Raven narrowed her eyes. "Why you?"

"I know how to wield a blade."

No one could argue.

"Bellamy, we're going to operate," Harper told him softly.

"Four," he whimpered.

"Only once," she assured him.

" _Four_ ," Bellamy insisted, pushing himself to an upright position. "I need to be there."

Raven snorted. "Your devotion to that radio call is inspiring, don't get me wrong, but you can't go anywhere. Echo is going to cut you open and take your organ out before it explodes, so we really need you here."

But Bellamy didn't listen. He made it to the door on his feet before he collapsed again.

"So move to the other room," Emori said dismissively. "Let the guy have his radio call. Might be good, considering we'll be cutting him open with no idea how to use any of the fancy stuff in here anyway."

Murphy shrugged. "She has a point," he conceded. He helped Bellamy to his feet. "Come on, Bellamy old pal. Let's get you to your girlfriend's one-way call."

"Shut up, Murphy," Bellamy growled.

"Well look at that, he's feeling better," Murphy grumbled under Bellamy's near-dead weight.

"Alright, the rest of us need to move whatever we'll need to the other room," Raven announced. "Harper, read and direct. Let's go, people. We don't have much time."


	9. Chapter 9

" _Bellamy, it's day seven hundred fourteen,"_ Clarke's voice rang clear in the nearly empty room. It had been almost two years since anyone else had heard one of her messages.

"What's wrong, Clarke?" Bellamy asked quietly. "Tell me what's wrong."

"How does she know he's dying?" Murphy marveled from his spot by Bellamy's head where he pinned wrists and shoulders down. "She sounds so serious."

 _"_ _It's been a rough day,"_ Clarke continued. _"It started out with a bad storm, the radiation levels are still starting up little fire storms accompanied by thunder and lightning."_

"Here goes nothing," Echo muttered.

Bellamy hissed when the cold blade touched his bare skin.

 _"_ _The roof of my rover was damaged,"_ Clarke revealed. " _I'll fix it tomorrow. Right now I need to rest, since the storm triggered the sickness again."_

Bellamy gasped and gave a little cry of pain before biting his lip to remain silent.

 _"…_ _a cold or allergies, you know? It's not as bad as the first time, but exposure still stirs it up. The storm came in the night, so I suppose it was a rough night and it will_ be _a rough day. The fireball that made it through the rover roof burned half my supplies, and my leg. I can replace the supplies, but my leg will take a little longer. I only have two."_ She laughed ruefully.

"Clarke laughs?" Monty whispered. "After all that she _laughs_?"

Murphy fought against Bellamy's desperate struggling. Their leader's breath was short and pained, like suppressed sobs, as every move Echo made let more of his blood spill on the table.

 _"_ _I managed to save my sketch book,_ " Clarke revealed. " _We've, well_ I've _talked about it a few times to you."_

Bellamy couldn't keep biting his lip. He lost it and let a pained cry escape.

" _…_ _before, I drew everyone I could remember who died. Some I drew with things they loved, or what I associated with them, but some I just drew faces for. I did whatever seemed right. Then I drew my mom, and Octavia, and Kane, and Miller and Jackson, Monty, Harper, Murphy, Emori, Echo, Raven, you…."_

Bellamy moaned and moved his head restlessly, anything he could do to control his own body when he was pinned too securely to actually move.

 _"_ _And then,_ now _, I just draw whatever I need to. Right now, I'm not drawing. I'm just looking at one of my favorite sketches of you. It's one of those times you smiled, and I love your smile. Maybe when you come back, I'll get to see it more than five times._

"She is in so deep," Murphy realized.

 _"_ _It's strange, that it's come down to me talking to a picture of you that I drew. Do you look different now? Please tell me you and the guys kept shaving. Murphy I suppose would be fine, but you and Monty would look awful."_

Echo slid her fingers into the incision she'd made. Bellamy screamed.

" _…_ _tomorrow. I hope it's better. I'm sorry for calling and only talking about sad things. That's how it used to be, always solemn and facing a last choice."_

"Oxymoron," Bellamy rasped with her.

 _"_ _But I suppose even after starting over we still get bad days. There are nice things, like the glowing flowers and the giant butterflies that always follow a radiation storm."_

Bellamy heard no more. He was screaming, his vision a hot flash of light, then nothing.

" _So maybe something nice will follow this too. Goodbye, Bellamy."_


	10. Chapter 10

No one mentioned the sketch book Clarke had talked about. Murphy didn't even tease about the multiple drawings of Bellamy or the order to stay clean shaven, though he for sure would never forget Clarke's appreciation of their leader's smile and the fact that she'd apparently counted how many times she'd seen it.

No one spoke of Bellamy's delirious mutterings about Clarke and earth and butterflies.

No one brought up how Bellamy had pulled free of Murphy and punched him. Murphy had a black eye for a week but sported it with heroic silence.

No, for the most part everyone knew Bellamy hated to be helpless and vulnerable. They'd been shaken by seeing him like that, but they knew better than to discuss it with him or anyone else.

That was the last Clarke call they listened to. They accepted Bellamy's filtered accounts instead, well aware how much was missing, but now knowing just how personal the calls were. They really were just for Bellamy.

Of course, once Murphy remarked how even so far apart Bellamy and Clarke _actually suffered_ on the _same day_ , and nicknamed them the "literal star-crossed lovers", that went on for a good two weeks. Bellamy just growled, "Shut up, Murphy," and made it clear he was open to giving Murphy another shiner if necessary.

But overall, they made it through Bellamy's choose your own medical adventure relatively unscathed.

Bellamy always insisted Murphy's black eye didn't count because he deserved it and would've gotten one sooner or later anyway.

* * *

And thus ends Bellamy's choose-your-own-medical-adventure story. I'm drawing up on a close to the story. I know what I have planned next as far as Maddie goes, and then the final scene (those two chapters to together very closely), but if anyone has any suggestions for what else Clarke might call about, or other things you'd like to see happen on the Ark before this draws to a close, I am very open to suggestions. And thank you as always for the wonderful reviews! They mean so much to me.


	11. Chapter 11

For those asking about the relationships on the Ark, I wanted to address them in a sort of round-about way, which is what this chapter attempts to do. Thank you for the suggestion!

This is a bit longer, probably because it wasn't very carefully crafted, but such is life when time is short.

I'm taking suggestions if you have any ideas of what they should discuss/what we should find out :)

* * *

 _"_ _Bellamy, today is day number seven hundred seventy seven. When you were little, did you ever make a wish when all the numbers on the clock were the same?"_

Bellamy chuckled. He and Octavia had never agreed on whether it had to be four of the same number, or three. He always held out for four, saying it was more special, but Octavia thought that wishes shouldn't be reserved for just twice a day.

 _"_ _Remember that wolf I told you about? The one that was following me?"_

"The one I told you to shoot so it didn't attack you in your sleep?" he shot back even though she wouldn't be able to hear him.

Clarke let out a little huff, almost like a sigh. _"That thing followed me for a week, Bell. I named him Prometheus, since he stole life back when most of the other animals couldn't. The others, they look funny, but he was perfectly normal. Also I overheard your conversation with Octavia before the radio went dead, and that's what gave me the idea for the name. It was like having something connected to you with me. I'm sorry for listening to your conversation, and I'm sorry the radio died. But Octavia knows you love her. She didn't need to hear you say it. And didn't you say it that day you opened the bunker door?_

 _"_ _It feels like that was so long ago. I still regret holding that gun on you. I know you hate what I did, not me, and all that stuff about me making the choice when you weren't there to help me and whatever, like we talked about, but that doesn't make it any better."_

"I forgive you," Bellamy said. "I forgave you even before you lowered the gun."

 _"_ _I miss Prometheus. Honestly it was just nice to have company at all. I mean yes, there are radiated animals down here, and I hunt them, and there are plants and things, but it's very different being in the same place as something living, and being_ with _something that is living."_ Clarke laughed.

Bellamy thought it was almost rueful, confused, like she wasn't sure how to convey what she wanted to. He gave his head a hard shake. "Stop reading meaning into her words," he scolded himself. "You don't know what she means." But he was pretty sure he did.

 _"_ _I know that sounds crazy,"_ Clarke continued. _"I know they mean the same thing, but they don't mean the same thing. It's very different walking around with other things around me. But interacting with them, being there because they are, that's really different. I never really noticed that, not until I ended up here alone._

 _"_ _I suppose you'd probably rather be alone sometimes. I imagine not everyone on the Ark gets along all the time."_

"Don't get me started," Bellamy grumbled. Raven and Echo were still working out their differences after a fight about food rations. "With so little space, and so few people, it takes forever for things to get straightened out."

 _"_ _It would be better than not being alone,"_ Clarke said quietly.

"Sometimes I wonder."

" _I think I'd be ok with just having one person. Enough not to be alone but not so much that I had to take care of people."_

No, Bellamy agreed silently. If he were there too, he would be protecting her. Isn't that what he was supposed to do? They'd agreed on that, he and Clarke, but then he'd left her behind. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I should be there with you."

 _"_ _I'm sorry for complaining. I should be grateful to be alive. It's just, some days I'm not."_

"And I should be too, but I'm not," Bellamy admitted.

 _"_ _You know, it's been about two and a half years. I always wondered how long it would take before one of the girls got pregnant."_

Bellamy snorted. He'd been worried about that but hadn't dared to say anything to the others. He had nothing against babies and kids, liked them, if he was being honest with himself. He was just concerned about food and oxygen levels and the safety of returning to earth and whether anyone knew how to oversee a birth.

" _Did the couples stay together? Murphy and Emori will, of course. I don't really know about Monty and Harper. I could see them slipping away from each other, but I don't really know where else they'd go."_

"They're all still together," Bellamy assured her pointlessly.

 _"_ _How long did it take for Echo to fall for you?"_

Bellamy gave a start.

 _"_ _I know Raven won't, not after Finn and me. But Echo really respected you. When you're in tight quarters, it doesn't take much for that to be something else."_

"I'm not going to take Echo," Bellamy nearly growled.

 _"_ _I really shouldn't be talking about everyone behind their backs. You see how desperate for company I've become? Now I should like one of the gossiping girls I used to go to school with."_

Bellamy wouldn't have said it to her face, but he agreed.

 _"_ _You know, it's funny, I call you every day and I talk to only you and sometimes I say things that I really don't intend for the others to hear, but really, they could be listening too. It wouldn't be right to ask them not to I guess."_

"They don't come," Bellamy said. "These are my calls, and they know that. No one ever talked about it."

 _"_ _I should probably start talking to them too. I just, it's been so long. I wouldn't know what to say to them. Though really, it's been just as long with you too, and I can talk to you just fine."_

"You always talked to me, Princess."

 _"_ _Then again, even in our Dropship days when you were an ass—"_

"Half the time," he corrected with a half-grin.

" _—_ _I could talk to you. I didn't usually have anything nice to say, and I wasn't this honest, but I talked to you. You never scared me."_

"You scared me," Bellamy confessed. She'd been a force to be reckoned with since the moment they met, and before they'd been on the same side that had been a genuinely serious threat to his wellbeing.

" _I wish…I don't know. I'm rambling now. I should go, I have the earth to explore. Goodbye, Bellamy."_

"Bye Clarke."


	12. Chapter 12

" _Bellamy. Today is day nine hundred seventy one."_

She sounded excited today. Bellamy could barely sip his coffee he was so tired.

" _Yesterday I found another Grounder village. I found a girl! She's about twelve, and she was all alone. Turns out there was another nightblood after all._

 _"_ _Her name is Madi, and she's skinny but alive. We travel together now. It's so nice to have another person to talk to again."_

"You talk to me."

" _I mean, I know I talk to you, but you don't answer. Sometimes I wonder why. Is it because your radio is broken? Is mine? Do you have better things to do? Can you hear me at all?"_

"I hear you. I want to talk to you, Clarke."

 _"_ _Am I crazy to keep doing this?"_ She laughed ruefully. " _When I told Madi, she said she talks to a little kitten she found last year. I told her it wasn't the same thing, but she probably thinks it's just my way of coping. Maybe it is. Maybe now that I have Madi I don't need to call you every morning._

 _"_ _Can you even hear me? Is it more upsetting to hear me, than if I just didn't call at all? I'm not sure what to think anymore."_

Clarke continued on about what Madi looked like, how she had survived on her own, what had happened to her people, and who her people were.

Truth be told, Bellamy heard none of it. He was terrified that Clarke would stop calling.


	13. Chapter 13

The others noticed right away that Bellamy was in a bad mood that day. When Murphy, well-intentioned, asked about Clarke, Bellamy snapped his classic, "She's fine. Shut up, Murphy."

By midday, Murphy was starting to wonder if Bellamy had forgotten his first name was John, not Shut Up. He didn't complain though. He kind of understood. Monty had Harper but neither of them had been close to Bellamy (in a good _or_ bad way). Bellamy barely knew Emori, and from what Murphy had heard Echo had tried to kill Octavia.

And Raven, well, Murphy was no stranger to the story that Raven had joined the long line of girls who cycled through Bellamy's tent in the early Dropship days. Plus Raven was a friend now, even if she'd reportedly roasted Bellamy well while chipped with ALIE. And Raven was close to Clarke.

Murphy on the other hand ( _John_ Murphy, not Shut Up Murphy) was a very different piece on the board. He and Bellamy had started off alright, then there was the whole hanging turned banishment turned hanging thing, followed by other messes.

But at the palace in Polis, Murphy had heard something no one else had. In a desperate move to get Clarke to cooperate, Abby had decided to torture Clarke's friends, "her weakness" according to the girls' chipped mother. And the words "Start with Bellamy Blake" still rang in Murphy's ears.

Murphy maintained the only reason he'd rescued Blake that day was because he'd needed help to save Emori. He'd go to his grave on that claim, and even though a nagging voice said the bond Murphy and Emori had had finally helped Murphy understand nearly every move that pig-headed Blake made.

But Murphy needed Bellamy to get Emori, and that was the final answer.

Riding up that elevator, depending on each other to save lives, admitting "You're not the only one trying to save someone you care about," it had given them something different.

It made it ok for them to grumble and have spats. When anger needed to be spouted, they could do it without any real risk. An understanding had developed between them after everything they'd been through. They both depended on that understanding.

Of course it wasn't friendship. They'd endure torture before admitting to such a ridiculous idea.

So for now, John Murphy would go as Shut Up Murphy until things were right again.


	14. Chapter 14

_This one is for the lovely reviewer (I'm sorry, I forgot your name!) who suggested having a chapter form Madi's POV. I'm going to admit upfront I'm not very satisfied with this chapter, probably because the rest of the chapters I'm working with someone else's developed characters, whereas here I get to make my own. Which I do often, just not for fanfiction._  
 _I really do love the idea, I'm just not sure I executed it as well as I would have liked. But I'm posting it anyway since I really liked the possibility. So thank you for the suggestion!_

 _And to the kindly reviewer who suggested maybe Clarke does stop calling, but then decides to start up again, I really like that idea, but I want to stay true to what we heard in the finale (Clarke's "I don't know why I still do this every day"). So spoiler alert I guess?_

 _Anyways, enjoy!_

* * *

Madi sat up and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. The sun was still in the sky, though it rested a little lower now. When Madi's eyes had started to shut on their own, very much against her will, Clarke had assured her that a nap was not a bad thing.

Now though, Madi realized that Clarke didn't realize she was awake. Clarke was sitting on the back of the rover, her feet dangling over the side. In her hands were a notebook and pencil, but she wasn't drawing or writing or anything else. She was just sitting there staring at the paper.

Madi stood slowly and moved to sit next to Clarke. It had been just a day and a half, but she'd learned so much about the strange things Skaikru had brought. Her favorite was the radio. She remembered waking up the first morning, _early_ , to hear Clarke talking to a little black box she held in her hand. Mystified, Madi had only been able to stand there and watch.

"What is it?" Madi had asked at last.

Clarke had smiled a little sadly, Madi thought, but she didn't comment. "A radio," she had explained.

"Why do you call it 'Bellamy'?"

Clarke had laughed this time. "No, I'm _talking_ to Bellamy," she had clarified. "The radio sends my words to another radio. That way, you can talk to someone when they are far away."

"Bellamy?"

"Yes. And the others." Clarke's eyes had taken on a sort of shadow, and Madi had decided not to ask anymore about the others.

"It would be better if they could talk to you too," Madi had announced. "It seems a little pointless without being able to go back and forth. At least with smoke signals or pigeons we can talk back and forth."

"You can," Clarke had explained. "You can talk back and forth."

"Then why does this Bellamy not speak to you?"

"I'm not sure he can," Clarke had admitted. "I'm not sure if his radio is broken, or if he can even hear me, or if…or if he's dead."

"And you call him anyway?"

"Every day," Clarke had admitted.

"He's mean not to answer."

"He would answer if he could."

"I had a kitten," Madi had revealed. "I talked to my kitten. She didn't answer, but it was someone to talk to. It gets so lonely down here."

Clarke had shaken her head. "No, that's not…it's not the same. Bellamy is my best friend. We went through so much together."

"Then why are you here, when he is not?" Madi had been upset. Clarke was a nice person, but Madi could see she was sad about being alone. How could Bellamy have left her?

"I asked him to leave," Clarke had confessed. "He would have died if he stayed. I stayed to make sure him and my other friends lived." She had sighed. "I'd rather not talk about it right now."

So Madi had fallen silent, but ever since that conversation this morning Clarke had been acting differently.

Madi shifted so she could see what Clarke was looking at. Sketches, of people, some smiling, some not, all with names on the bottoms of the pages. Entranced, she reached a hand over and traced a name she did not recognize. It belonged to a strong but somehow soft face with curly hair and a smile that was cocky. Somehow, the eyes were soft and gentle. It was confusing. "Clarke?" Madi whispered, afraid of upsetting her.

"Bellamy," Clarke had said after swallowing hard. "Madi, meet Bellamy Blake."

Madi tilted her head to one side, waiting.

"If he were in front of you he would be about half a foot taller than me," Clarke began. "He has broad shoulders and messy brown hair. And when he smiles it's like he has some inside joke, but his eyes—"

"They're gentle," Madi observed.

"They're in pain," Clarke corrected. "He and I, we did so many horrible things for our people."

Madi turned the page. "This one?"

"Wells. My best friend. He came down here to protect me, but then he died because of a mistake someone made."

Another page.

"Lincoln. Octavia, Bellamy's little sister, this is Octavia's boyfriend. Was. He was killed."

"Poor Octavia," Madi breathed.

"Yes."

"She is the one in the bunker you talked about yesterday?"

Clarke nodded.

"Tell me about her," Madi requested, turning to face Clarke. "I want to know everyone's stories."

"I can't tell you their stories one by one," Clarke objected. "The stories are so intertwined that they don't come apart."

"Then tell me all of them."

Clarke turned to look at the forest the rover was parked in. "My dad found out our space ship was going to die, and so would everyone on it. When he tried to talk, he was killed."

So Madi listened as Clarke revealed her story. She told how she had been thrown in prison, and how later the kids in prison had been sent to earth. She explained how their struggles with the Grounders had begun, and how the camp had turned to her and Bellamy as their leaders. Madi learned about the fighting between the leaders, and then Clarke's desperation as she tried to find him after being captured by men in white suits. Clarke's reunion with her mother, the quest to save the prisoners in the mountain, Finn's turn to the darkness, the ultimate horrible choice to take his life and later to pull the lever. Madi let Clarke remain silent after that.

Then Clarke told of her days in the forest alone. She talked of the Ice King and his nobility, of her own people's inclusion in the Coalition. She spoke of Lexa and her power and might and ultimate betrayal and death. Pike and his anger, Bellamy and his confusion, Lincoln and his death. Her mother's betrayal, the words "Start with Bellamy Blake" that had almost broken her. The fight for survival as the earth turned against them.

Madi listened to all of this in silence. She watched as Clarke turned the pages of her book, revealing faces for the names, but she said nothing. She did not speak or even move when Clarke paused to wipe tears from her eyes. She smiled when Clarke laughed at the antics of someone named Jasper and his friend Monty. Then her heart broke with Clarke's when she heard of Jasper's death.

It broke again when she heard how they had all escaped, leaving Clarke behind.

They sat in silence for some time before Madi said quietly, "You are very strong. And you are no Wanheda. You do not Command…death. You command life."

Clarke looked away, no doubt to hide her tears.

"And he is full of love," Madi added.

"He thinks with his heart," Clarke acknowledged, her voice shaking.

"He has more love than I have ever heard or seen."


	15. Chapter 15

Bellamy knew he was early. His hands shook a little, and he wanted to fiddle with the radio, but he was afraid of cutting off all communication.

But wasn't that what Clarke had done yesterday? Maybe it would be easier to never have to know if she tried to contact them or not.

He knew he should be happy for her. Clarke finally had someone to talk to who could respond to her musings and questions and stories, someone she needed to look after. Clarke had said she was glad to be free, but Bellamy knew she would always find someone to take care of. He tried to remind himself that he already had that. He had Raven, Murphy, Monty, Harper, Emori, and even Echo. They had their games and talks. The girls had their girl nights (he shuddered); the guys had their competitions and Monty's secret brewery.

But Bellamy knew he would be lying to himself if he said he could talk to them. He couldn't. None of them would ever truly understand. He wondered if Clarke felt the same way. Selfishly, he hoped so. Then he regretted it and wanted her to have someone to talk to. Then he wanted it to be him. It was a vicious cycle.

Bellamy stared at the radio. They were nearly at the half way mark. Had he really expected the messages to continue for five whole years?


	16. Chapter 16

" _Bellamy. It's day nine hundred seventy two since I last saw you and the others face to face instead of in my sketches. I wish my last glimpse of yours hadn't been through the helmet of a hazmat suit._

 _"_ _I thought about not calling this morning. I told Madi about the radio (she found it in the rover). She'd never heard of something that could send messages so far. Yesterday we sat in the shade under a big tree, and I showed her my sketch book. At first I only told her names, personalities, and how people died. But that lead to stories, and I guess I told her everything. I hope you don't mind._

 _"_ _When we finished talking the sun had started to set. Can you imagine_ me _talking with someone for a whole day?_

 _"_ _I wasn't even half way through our story when I knew. I can't stop calling you. Even if you're dead, or you never come back, I can't stop calling. I need to talk to you, and if you're there I need you to hear me. I need you to know I haven't forgotten, and I need to make sure you don't forget either._

 _"_ _I tried to tell you in the lab, and I think you probably tried to tell me on the beach. I don't really know how or when it happened, but when I was telling Madi the story of Skaikru yesterday I was surprised I didn't see it sooner. Maybe because it just happened so naturally that I didn't realize anything had changed, but it has changed, so much since our Dropship days._

 _"_ _The reason I won't stop calling, the reason I even started, and made it this long…I know, I'm stalling. I'm almost afraid to say it out loud, which is stupid because it's not like you'll be able to respond for another two years. By then you'll probably forget. So here it goes:_

 _"_ _I love you, Bellamy Blake. And that explains just about everything. This isn't a goodbye, it's a promise to keep going until I see your face in person, not on paper."_

"I love you, Princess. Damn it if I know how that happened, but I love you, and I'll be there as soon as I can, and I won't forget."

* * *

 **And that's a wrap! Thank you all for the very kind reviews. Knowing people were excited for the next chapter, what they liked or disliked about the story, it really made writing it ten times more fun. Not to toot my own horn, but I've done other fanfics, focusing mostly on ones that finish scenes the show never did, filling in the spaces so to speak. And I am always open to more requests, whether in a PM or in a comment.**

 **Thank you!**


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